Oh Iggy Iggy

student, mother, daughter, sister, aunt, lover, friend. All views are my own and in no way belong to anyone else because I only have one brain to think with.

Thursday, January 6, 2011

Being Mum

I don't want this to become a "mummy-blog", because I'm not really interested in talking about my kid, I see her all day but this is really bugging me, so here it is.

Mum. God, I hate that word. Honestly it's like every single awful connotation is loaded into that word and I hate it. I don't want my kid to call me mum, I want her to use my name but after tonnes of research and a very heated argument with The Boy, mum it is.

Honestly, I love my daughter but I'm not so keen on being a "mum" but I love being a parent. I know that sounds ridiculous, same thing right? Wrong. Mum has all these social implications, if I tell people I'm a "mum" I'm judged differently than if I don't tell them. The following conversation I had with someone new last week shows how differnetly people react once they know you're a parent and a lot (not all, but a lot) of people seem to think that parents should prescribe to a certain way of being. It's almost dehumanising.

New Person: "So, what sort of music are you into?"

Me: "Oh, lots of different thing, metal, Hip Hop, Jazz. I love seeing anything live, you know, when I'm *not* listening to the wiggles or watching Chuggington."

NP: "Why would you listen to The Wiggles?"

Me: "I have a daughter who loves them"

NP: "YOU'RE a mum? Gosh, you don't seem like the mum-type."

Thee conversation went on for a bit, but this particular part really bugged me. It was her tone of voice, which obviously I can't convey online, that bothered me most, so much empahisse on the YOU'RE (like, you can't possible be a mother, really, you?!?!?!). I don't consider myself a bad parent (well.. you know.. not child abuse bad). I consider myself relaxed and  not great at discipline (my kid is feral, to be honest) but why on earth should I prescribe to certain "ways" a mum should be. When I asked her to elaborate on the "mum-type" she mentioned she just mumbled and said something about mothers who talk about nothing but their kids and then mentioned something about my clothes. At that point, I walked away.

I know this seems like something innocent, but really, if I tell people I'm a mother then it scews their entire view of me, they put me in a completely different category of people. In fact, sometimes I wonder if people think parents ARE a different category of species. I've been looked down on, advised (so much advice!), told, re-told and questioned everytime I tell someone I've got a kid. when I don't mention her, though, I'm treated like a person with interests, hobbies and feelings

Honestly, I know exactly why this bothers. ever since I got pregnant I've felt like I'm a non-entity, when I was pregnant by body wasn't my own and, according to social order, public domain for advice, touches and rubbing. I was *not* okay with people touching me when I was pregnant, The Boy didn't even get to touch my belly while I was pregnant. I'm nothing BUT a mother in some peoples eyes. I know ALL new mothers have this complaint but it's about time we started standing up for our individual identity. My child makes up about 5% of the entire of my being and my life. I don't want to only talk about 5% of my life, I want people to know that I'm more than that.

Maybe one day. Also, I'd love to hear from other parents on what they think. Are you treated different;y now that you're a parent?

Love

Iggy x
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