Reality is not so nice (The house market....)

So, life is spending some quality time kicking my arse this week. Good one. We're considering moving, which means breaking our lease but we worked out if we don't move to somewhere cheaper we're going to go bankrupt anyways. Yay for us. Money management WIN.

On the plus side, I have a new job the only bad side is it's not full-time and it might not be permanent. But still, more hours means more money. So Win there.

But really what's bothering me is I honestly don't think it should be this hard for the average working family. My partner earns a modest wage and I work part tie whilst studying and raising out daughter. I'm looking for full-time work but so far am struggling.

No one wants to hire mothers, it's too hard, we take too much time off for the kids and we make unreasonable demands like not wanting to work overtime because the daycare center shuts at 6:30 and we might (shock horror) have another baby which means we'll want maternity leave. FYI I don't want more kids, but I know that employers look at women of child bearing age and just assume we're going to pop the out like candy from a pez dispenser. We can't help ourselves, we're just women after all, we have URGES (I've honestly heard a male colleague talk about women's "insatiable urge to breed)

Back to my original point.. which was... umm.. OH RIGHT! It shouldn't be this hard. I'm not saying we should be able to save our 25% deposit in two weeks and trundle into the suburban dream sunset, but every family should be able to save at a 10% deposit on a 250,000 home (which, lets face it is about the average in Tassie) in, say, 2  3 years. It's going to take use 6. Minimum.

Costs are rising: food, rent, power, phones, daycare, fuel etc etc and there's nothing that can be done to stop them.

I don't know how "we" (we meaning you, me, the government, whoever you feel should fix these issues) should deal with it or how it can be fixed. All I know is there is something rotten when the average person can't afford to buy their first home, because eventually no one will be able to afford for their first home and if they can't buy a first then they can't buy a second etc etc. A market of renters with the only winners being investors (i.e the rich)

So yes, essentially this is a big "I'm poor and it's not fair because I want to be rich" whinge.

Thanks for listening

Iggy. x

Parents don't have rights... apparently

So, I was reading This article on how a same sex couple won a court victory to keep their surrogate-born twin girls. This is amazing. I have to admit, I'm not a huge fan of surrogacy when there are so many children out there waiting to be adopted, but I do empathise with some parents need for a biological child. The ethics of surrogacy aren't really the issue that I want to address, the issue I want to address is Nicholas Tonti-Filippini's comment in the above article.

"Parents don't have rights, they have responsibilities. The crucial thing in all of this is that the courts make decisions in the interest of the child."

Great, no rights, all responsibility. Who decides what the parents' responsibilities are? The Courts? The Church? (It should be noted here that Tonti-Filippini is a "catholic ethicist" whatever the fuck that is.). Don't the parent's have a right to decide what's best for a child and isn't having two parents the best thing for a child? The children are, after all,  biological children of one of the men and, as such, he has a right to decide who will share his and his children's lives. This is no different to a woman who get pregnant and then brings a non-biological male figure into a child's life. Can someone please, please show me evidence of children who are harmed by having same-sex parents? Anyone? No? 

Well.... here's to the Catholic Church, who are so hypocritical and so incredibly judgemental that I'm glad so few people take it seriously. 

Congratulations to the new proud parents, enjoy every heart-breaking, sleep-deprived moment, every sane person in the world is wishing you all the best. 

Iggy x.

Being Mum

I don't want this to become a "mummy-blog", because I'm not really interested in talking about my kid, I see her all day but this is really bugging me, so here it is.

Mum. God, I hate that word. Honestly it's like every single awful connotation is loaded into that word and I hate it. I don't want my kid to call me mum, I want her to use my name but after tonnes of research and a very heated argument with The Boy, mum it is.

Honestly, I love my daughter but I'm not so keen on being a "mum" but I love being a parent. I know that sounds ridiculous, same thing right? Wrong. Mum has all these social implications, if I tell people I'm a "mum" I'm judged differently than if I don't tell them. The following conversation I had with someone new last week shows how differnetly people react once they know you're a parent and a lot (not all, but a lot) of people seem to think that parents should prescribe to a certain way of being. It's almost dehumanising.

New Person: "So, what sort of music are you into?"

Me: "Oh, lots of different thing, metal, Hip Hop, Jazz. I love seeing anything live, you know, when I'm *not* listening to the wiggles or watching Chuggington."

NP: "Why would you listen to The Wiggles?"

Me: "I have a daughter who loves them"

NP: "YOU'RE a mum? Gosh, you don't seem like the mum-type."

Thee conversation went on for a bit, but this particular part really bugged me. It was her tone of voice, which obviously I can't convey online, that bothered me most, so much empahisse on the YOU'RE (like, you can't possible be a mother, really, you?!?!?!). I don't consider myself a bad parent (well.. you know.. not child abuse bad). I consider myself relaxed and  not great at discipline (my kid is feral, to be honest) but why on earth should I prescribe to certain "ways" a mum should be. When I asked her to elaborate on the "mum-type" she mentioned she just mumbled and said something about mothers who talk about nothing but their kids and then mentioned something about my clothes. At that point, I walked away.

I know this seems like something innocent, but really, if I tell people I'm a mother then it scews their entire view of me, they put me in a completely different category of people. In fact, sometimes I wonder if people think parents ARE a different category of species. I've been looked down on, advised (so much advice!), told, re-told and questioned everytime I tell someone I've got a kid. when I don't mention her, though, I'm treated like a person with interests, hobbies and feelings

Honestly, I know exactly why this bothers. ever since I got pregnant I've felt like I'm a non-entity, when I was pregnant by body wasn't my own and, according to social order, public domain for advice, touches and rubbing. I was *not* okay with people touching me when I was pregnant, The Boy didn't even get to touch my belly while I was pregnant. I'm nothing BUT a mother in some peoples eyes. I know ALL new mothers have this complaint but it's about time we started standing up for our individual identity. My child makes up about 5% of the entire of my being and my life. I don't want to only talk about 5% of my life, I want people to know that I'm more than that.

Maybe one day. Also, I'd love to hear from other parents on what they think. Are you treated different;y now that you're a parent?

Love

Iggy x

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New Year.. New me?

There's something a little bitter sweet about writing the date for the first time in a new year. I had to do it today and it made me think of all the things I didn't achieve in 2010, so it made me a little sad but then I remembered all the things I plan to achieve in 2011 and that made me feel happy, so bitter sweet is definitely appropriate.

Here are some things I plan for the 2011;

New Job - not just any job, I'm only applying forj obs I REALLY want, not just applying will-nilly as I see no point because in 12 months time I'll be looking for ANOTHER job.

Write 10,000 words - This doesn't include Uni, my blog or my job. So 10,000 words on my own invention. Fun, fun! (I will be an author one day, I will be an author one day, I will be an author one day)

NOTHING BUT DISTINCTIONS - This one is going to be hard but I'm aiming to get distinctions on every piece of Uni work I do.

SAVE SAVE SAVE - My partner, daughter and I spend so much money. Way too much. To save we need to move because we're paying ridiculous amounts of rent for a house that isn't even worth it.I'm starting small, I'm hiding $20 away in a bank account that The Boy doesn't know about. I love him and all but he is TERRIBLE with money. I know it seems deceptive, but it's not lying, it's omitting. (yeah, yeah, shut-up! I'll justify my lies anyway I want, thanks))

Lose 5 Kilos - I know 5 isn't very much but I want to lose 20 altogether so I figure if I aim for 5 year I'll be down 25 by the time I'm 30 and I'm pretty happy with that (fuck, 30, I'm actually aiming towards 30 now.. FUCK! I'm getting old)

Find a creative outlet - I need a hobby. Badly.Writing isn't enough, writing is kind of like work for me because I'm trying to produce publishable pieces. 

Make pretty things - I love pretty things, I'm a bit of a crow so I've decided instead of buying pretty things I'm going to make pretty things to distribute to all my pretty (inside or out) friends. Not sure what I'm going make yet, but you details, details, you people are so damn picky!

HAVE FUN FUN FUN FUN FUN! - Last year wasn't much fun, it was hard. This year is going to be fun.

So, that' enough bullshit from me for today.

I love you all so very much.

Iggyx